Post by RainDaughter on Aug 18, 2002 16:36:37 GMT -5
Hello to my readers. I am starting a online journal because , one: I need a place to put down my emotions, two: I am always online so what better place to have a journal, three: no one ( like my nosy family) can read it, four: I can get feedback from all of you gus who are just like me, a normal girl struggling through our not so normal world. so here goes:
A small pit in my stomach growing larger with each step nearer.
Nervousness carving a path through my body making me ache with desire.
Longing to touch, to feel the warm reasurring strong hands.
Hands that can fix anything, hands that can hold my dearest belonging in them and protect it or shatter it. My heart pulsing through my body, controlled by his sweet smell that marks him as my very own.
His smell of security underneath his colonge that only intensifies his feeling of belonging.
Of sweet aftershave, and the comfort of a warm slept in bed.
His shoulders able to bear my broard squared ones within his as I lay against him
while the hands that can fix anything fold protectively around me
promising to keep me safe...
and it all leads back to his hands.
From the first time I sharply inhaled his smell,
I actually saw him I sensed his natural eagerness to protect those he loved.
I gazed on his slightly tanned skin and the sparkle in his eye of being a slight embarassed to be caught in tights by a girl he didnt know....
with all good reason,
he was in a benefit for church and that was his costume....
and then to cautiously laugh with him
and stealing glances with a flutter in my stomach
i could not describ...
to lead him to his prize...
my best friend.
He was so affectionate with her...
as she flaunted and threw herself at him...
caring not a bit of how she looked.
He hesitated a bit,
he always had good sense
but not when matters of me approache dwith me.
He left her..
saying she wasnt what he needed...
i think he was afraid for his health
because she clinged on to him with every essence she had
and morally crushed herself when he backed away.
I loved him from the moment i heard him
slowly draw out his words to make his deep vioce magestically perfect for me...
I loved him all the more when he held me in his arms as I creid my life away...
barring my soul to him...
giving him my heart he tried so hard to protect...
which just wasnt possible...
he let me fall through those great strong hands that could fix anything...
letting my heart slide through his fingers
as it fell never endessly into a black hole to ice over.
I watched him walk away as I stabbed him in the back with utter hatred and pains that were killing my heart... my love for him.
I retrived my heart and took it back into my body as I surpressed infinite shivers of lonliness.
My heart hardened and iced.. I
became the untouchable.
Not able to respond to the warmth of anothers skin.. only knowing how to glare daggers as though everyone was my enemy...
complete utter sadness and overwhelming grief for losing the one I loved with my entire existance,
so in some way I set myself up
that harsh slap down back to earth
which proved to me that I have to suffer before I can be loved
but oh how i suffer from him...
And yet, I loved him...
with those hands that can fix anything..
good strong hands that work with tender love and care and maybe one day...
those strong protective hands will come back to me
and take back up my heart and return to protect me... forever and always so that i can say again...
I love you, Ryan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rain Daughter
A small pit in my stomach growing larger with each step nearer.
Nervousness carving a path through my body making me ache with desire.
Longing to touch, to feel the warm reasurring strong hands.
Hands that can fix anything, hands that can hold my dearest belonging in them and protect it or shatter it. My heart pulsing through my body, controlled by his sweet smell that marks him as my very own.
His smell of security underneath his colonge that only intensifies his feeling of belonging.
Of sweet aftershave, and the comfort of a warm slept in bed.
His shoulders able to bear my broard squared ones within his as I lay against him
while the hands that can fix anything fold protectively around me
promising to keep me safe...
and it all leads back to his hands.
From the first time I sharply inhaled his smell,
I actually saw him I sensed his natural eagerness to protect those he loved.
I gazed on his slightly tanned skin and the sparkle in his eye of being a slight embarassed to be caught in tights by a girl he didnt know....
with all good reason,
he was in a benefit for church and that was his costume....
and then to cautiously laugh with him
and stealing glances with a flutter in my stomach
i could not describ...
to lead him to his prize...
my best friend.
He was so affectionate with her...
as she flaunted and threw herself at him...
caring not a bit of how she looked.
He hesitated a bit,
he always had good sense
but not when matters of me approache dwith me.
He left her..
saying she wasnt what he needed...
i think he was afraid for his health
because she clinged on to him with every essence she had
and morally crushed herself when he backed away.
I loved him from the moment i heard him
slowly draw out his words to make his deep vioce magestically perfect for me...
I loved him all the more when he held me in his arms as I creid my life away...
barring my soul to him...
giving him my heart he tried so hard to protect...
which just wasnt possible...
he let me fall through those great strong hands that could fix anything...
letting my heart slide through his fingers
as it fell never endessly into a black hole to ice over.
I watched him walk away as I stabbed him in the back with utter hatred and pains that were killing my heart... my love for him.
I retrived my heart and took it back into my body as I surpressed infinite shivers of lonliness.
My heart hardened and iced.. I
became the untouchable.
Not able to respond to the warmth of anothers skin.. only knowing how to glare daggers as though everyone was my enemy...
complete utter sadness and overwhelming grief for losing the one I loved with my entire existance,
so in some way I set myself up
that harsh slap down back to earth
which proved to me that I have to suffer before I can be loved
but oh how i suffer from him...
And yet, I loved him...
with those hands that can fix anything..
good strong hands that work with tender love and care and maybe one day...
those strong protective hands will come back to me
and take back up my heart and return to protect me... forever and always so that i can say again...
I love you, Ryan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rain Daughter
) and then she said she heard a scream and came outside... i was passed out over a tree... stump i think.... and my bf came running saying he was going to get me water when he heard me... so see... i am such a parinoid freak because all men are not like my father!!!!